In the years since I have moved, the passage of time and the occurrence of a few events have taught me several valuable life lessons. In recent essays, I have been opening up about some of these aspects of my life while also sharing the lessons I have learned. Previously, I talked about how I learned through my Mother and her struggle with patriarchy the ‘War of Art’ and how often to make art we must also be willing to wage wars.
In this essay, I want to talk about a lesson I have learned multiple times in these recent years. Time and again, life has taught me the value of mindfully discerning between blame and accountability. I have found that as we experience life, we may encounter situations where we are actually seeking accountability but could be blaming. On the flip side, in wanting to avoid blaming anybody or anything, we also often refuse to acknowledge the truth and each other’s role in shaping the situation, which can create a lack of accountability - which is also undesirable. I feel this plays out ever so often in our lives, both in the individualized experience that is the microcosm but also within the communities or the macrocosm we are a part of.
As part of my mindfulness practice, I try to watch out for when I could be slipping. So when confronted by situations where I feel this could be acting out - I pause to meditate on whether I am 1) blaming unintentionally instead of seeking accountability or 2) avoiding accountability in wanting to avoid blame.
This practice of discerning between blame and accountability by exploring these two aspects helps me gain clarity and drives more purposeful understanding and action.